Recent Entries in Film

I can see where most of these would be crappy.

5 Upcoming Comic Book Movies That Must Be Stopped | Cracked.com

In light of the recent surplus of blockbusting superhero films all but guaranteeing monstrous studio revenue, Hollywood has hit the ground running and greenlit every script featuring a violent man in his underwear from Captain Marvel to your drunken father on Thanksgiving.

Yet, for every Batman Begins that graces the theaters, there are 10 useless men in spandex lined up for the next few years. Here are five of the next big-budget superhero films currently in production that simply should not be.

Only a 6 out of 100? Seems to me this film would be used as a benchmark for their ranking system.

The best part about these guys is they have to make the statement "NOT associated with Landover or Westboro Baptist in any way."

DOGMA - Analysis of a Full Viewing (1999): ChildCare Action Project (CAP) Media Analysis Report MAR13799B

Offense to God (O):
  • humankind was blamed for the "failure" of the Scriptures, implying the Scriptures are imperfect
  • much, much smooth talk to confuse into not believing in God, to cause to question, and to counterfeit His Word
  • "...passing judgment is reserved for God and God alone."
  • calling Crucifix wholly depressing
  • Buddy Christ icon; mockery of Jesus and the crucifix
  • cast out "angels" trying to get back into heaven
  • "The church said it is so. God must adhere."
  • justifying homicide with "God wants it."
  • "I think God is dead."
  • demons and muse, repeatedly
  • demon worship, Satanic manifestation (forehead horns sprouting on a man)
  • "We went through five Adams before we figured that one out."
  • ethereal transporting
  • "Noah was a drunk and look what he accomplished."
  • "Back in the old days God was vengeful and hot tempered."
  • claims that Loki, the angel of death, destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah, not God
  • "Wisconsin is worse than Hell."
  • portrayal that cast out angels can manipulate God
  • "To Hell with Him."
  • claims that God has a sense of humor, thus lowering Him to human level
  • "When --- happened, where was God?"
  • implication that we, as a people, have matured and what was sin may not now be sin
  • "You knew Christ?" ... "Knew Him! --- --- owes me $12.00!"
  • claim of a secret to resurrection, implying that anyone can do it
  • portrayal of a 13th apostle
  • "You are the one who's gonna help me get some changes made in that book (the Bible) you put so much stock in (to get the 13th apostle added)."
  • To the 13th apostle: "You went to Heaven?" The 13th apostle: "Yer --- right I went to Heaven. That's the least He could do. Y'know, in the three years I followed His --- around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? N-o-o-o!"
  • "If I were in Heaven, I wouldn't care what the Bible said."
  • "Folks who build faith on that message (the Gospel) are color-blind."
  • many statements and inferences "God's a woman."
  • claim that men wrote the Bible, that it is not God-breathed/inspired, who added their own "perspective" (and to fortify the claim told the viewers that since all the Apostles were men, they changed the "she" into "He."
  • "It (the Bible) stinks."
  • "It doesn't matter what you have faith in, just that you have faith."
  • "No denomination has nailed it yet."
  • portrayal of an angel chumming with a demon: "You're a true friend."
  • "I'm so angry with her (God)."
  • "One day, God just stopped listening."
  • "For the first time, my eyes are open." to justify evil behavior
  • "I ----- hate you. I HATE you." to God.
  • man walking on water
  • "It's too big." ... "That's what Jesus said." by the 13th apostle
  • portrayal that angel is necessary as an intermediary to talk with God
  • "God's a skeeball fanatic and disappears from time to time."
  • "He (God) has abandoned you."
  • portrayal that a demon can dispatch God
  • "It's better to have a good idea than a belief."
  • portrayal of God walking among man
  • portrayal of God healing as a human (NOT as Jesus)
  • virgin pregnancy

Seems like only the "who" of racism changed over the years.

The 9 Most Racist Disney Characters | Cracked.com

These old Disney movies are a little bit like your aging Uncle Frank. Honestly, he means well when he points out that Will Smith is "well-spoken." It's just that he, like the assemblage of clips below, dates from a time when people were unfairly characterized by their ethnic background (the acceptable methods are, of course, religion, geography, sexual preference and income).

I think this would be kind of cool. Too bad it's just a rumour.

Rodriguez Avoids â..Clash of the Titansâ.

Rumorland was buzzing with word that Robert Rodriguez was set to direct a remake of The Clash of the Titans, but now, according to Ainâ..t It Cool News heâ..s officially off the project. Rodriguez reportedly â..lovedâ. Lawrence Kasdanâ..s script, but the producers wanted to go as soon as possible, and with the advent of the writersâ.. strike, and a potential actorsâ.. strike on the horizon, Rodriguez wanted to work on his own projects right now. AICN notes that apparently quite a few people in the business are raving about Kasdanâ..s script, but then again, with the strike one day old, they could well just have forgotten what a good screenplay looks like and are just hallucinating like thirsting travelers lost in the desert. Or it could be really good. Weâ..ll see.

  "Dumbledore is not Gay!"

Dude. Chill out, OK? And what's all this about Harry Potter being an X-tian story?

Dumbledore is not Gay: Taking Stories More Seriously than the Author | The Scriptorium Daily: Middlebrow

No offense to an excellent author, but Dumbledore no longer belongs only to Rowling. He also belongs to her readers who have been given a series of books in which Rowling was free to say what she wanted to say. She wrote about Christianity openly by Book Seven, but if Dumbledore was gay, she decided to hide it. She hid it so well that there is no evidence of it.

At this point it is too late for Rowling to change the text. She cannot decide to kill Harry now . . . or announce that Harry is actually a vampire, a member of the Tory party, or antidisestablishmentarian. She wrote what she wrote and now it belongs to us.

What a twist!

The 10 Most Asinine Movie Twist Endings | Cracked.com

#8. Signs (2002)

The gimmick:
Aliens with a ridiculous weakness.
An elaborate scheme (of divine intervention).

The twist:
Aliens are H20 intolerant. Bonus twist: God has a lot of free time on his hands. Extra bonus twist: Instead of being scary-looking, the aliens look like naked burn victims.

Embarrassing movies, actually.

kinly_kong.jpg

Poster Art - Lost in Negative Space

Kind of a weird idea to list the top 70. I mean, how many vampire movies have been made?

Top 70 Vampire Movies of All Time

7. Near Dark (1987) A young cowboy is seduced by a new girl in town only to find out he has been kissed by a vampire. Slowly turning into a creature of the night, he is persuaded to join up with the girl and a roaming band of ghouls. But when his own father and sister become targets in the vampires' endless search for 'food,' he is forced to choose between loyalty to the vampires, or loyalty his own family. (Directed by Kathryn Bigelow)

From the goons at Something Awful.

The 22 Most Awful Moments in Science Fiction

#14 Hercules gets a spaceship

When I heard Kevin Sorbo was going to be starring in a straight-to-syndication scifi series based on the dream journal of Gene Roddenberry I nearly blacked out from pleasure. Hercules meeting a posthumous Gene Roddenberry concept that couldn't make it to the WB might seem too good to be true on the surface, but it turned out that Roddenberry's Andromeda was precisely as good as it sounds!

Like Earth: Final Conflict, another of Roddenberry's Tupac projects, Andromeda had a much darker atmosphere than the Utopian Star Trek. Take, for example, the muscular Nietzscheans who follow the ancient teachings of Nietzsche about wearing little vests to show off their pectorals. They live on their own planets and really hate the evil humanoid bats, just like Nietzsche always said.

If you liked Farscape, but you hated the Muppets and the characters and the story, then Andromeda is definitely worth buying on DVD. It's also worthy of its 14th place spot on the list of Most Awful Moments in Science Fiction.

There are some surprises on this list.

The 25 Ugliest Celebrities â.. Campus Squeeze

kirsten_dunst_ugly.jpg

15. Kirsten Dunst

I guess sheâ..s kinda cuteâ.¦ if you are into trailer park chicks. Or if you have a fetish for super tiny teeth, in which case, youâ..d probably be better off banging a porpoise. Snaggletooth is much more fit playing the role of a vampire or jack oâ..lantern rather than a superheroâ..s girl.

  Top 20 Movie Hitmen

Good list. I would have probably included one or all of the guys from The Big Hit. Also, I would have moved Nikita up a little bit on the list. I would have also probably included the Jackal from Day of the Jackal (no, not Bruce Willis -- he's in there enough times already).

TOP 20 MOVIE HITMEN Feature at TheShiznit.co.uk

10. NIKITA in NIKITA Who is she? Luc Besson likes his hitmen, but he also likes his hitwomen, too. Nikita is just your average drugged-up Nihilist bank robber, but when she commits murder, sheâ..s spared the chair and whisked away to a top secret facility where sheâ..s trained to become a special operative. With her old life all but erased, Nikita slowly and surely morphs into a deadly (and dead fit) assassin, who becomes as adept with the guns as she was with the needles. Besson oversaw a toothless US remake with Bridget Fonda in the title role, but his French femme is clearly a) ten times cooler than her US counterpart, and b) has a much sexier accent.

I have to agree with him regarding John Malkovich in "Rounders". A drunk Count Dracula, indeed.

13 of the worst fake accents in film

patsy kensit - lethal weapon 2

i can only imagine they gave kensit the part due to her looks because she canâ..t act for shit. when she has a line she looks as if sheâ..s reading from a piece of paper covered in text the size of ants and her accent is just confusing. unless i was mistaken and she was actually playing the part of an alcoholic norwegian woman, she was crap.

  Dude, where's my cross?

I think he was the dumb Baldwin.

Dude, where's my cross? | Salon Life

Stephen Baldwin preaches to teens that Bono is in league with Satan. Don't laugh, the born-again actor is a cultural advisor to Bush and one of the most popular new evangelists in the country.

As always, I blame George Lucas.

cbs2.com - Chewbacca Allegedly Assaults Marilyn In Hollywood

A Chewbacca impersonator is accused of sexually assaulting a Marilyn Monroe impersonator in front of the Kodak Theatre in Hollywood in June. The wookie then reportedly evaded arrest, police said.

According to an officer with the LAPD, Chewbacca allegedly took the platinum-coiffed actress's hand and placed it on his private parts as the characters performed for tips from tourists.

The sidewalk in front of the Kodak Theater, which is part of the Hollywood at Highland complex, is often crowded with characters that pose for tourist cameras and tips. On occasion, police have been sent to the complex to separate feuding actors.

Earlier in the year, police arrested an actor in a Chewbacca costume after a tour guide told him to stop harassing a pair of Japanese tourists. Police are unsure if the same wookie is involved in Sundayâ..s assault.

With a minimum of sexual innuendos...

Variety.com - 'Sex and the City' heads to theaters

New Line Cinema is getting in bed with HBO on "Sex and the City."

After much foreplay, the feature version of the long-running HBO series is gearing for a fall start, with New Line near a deal to finance and distribute.

Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon are all set to reprise their roles, with longtime exec producer Michael Patrick King directing a script he wrote.

And apparently a backhanded review of Michael Bay. Not that he doesn't deserve it.

Richmond.com - Feature Story: ''Transformers' Movie Review ' for

Maybe it's the critical mauling he's endured through the years, or maybe it was the "Team America" lyrical lashing that made him double think his love of super slow-motion explosions and close-ups of Ben Affleck's five o'clock shadow. Or maybe, it's an ironic parallel to Bay's favorite big screen upshot â.. and the world is actually coming to an end.

"Transformers'" robot thespians are better actors than the cast of "Armageddon." And also, sadly, "Transformers" is also probably more historically accurate than "Pearl Harbor." Both are previous bloated Bay efforts, as are "The Island" and both "Bad Boys." In fact, for 90 minutes "Transformers" is a sublime summer blockbuster exceeding even the most optimistic expectations.

Hey, yeah! Quit messing with my head, Lucas!

Todd Alcott - The Empire Strikes Back, and I have a question

boba_and_darth.jpg

Does Vader have a sentimental streak for bounty hunters, a romantic ideal, does he think of them as kinds of intergalactic pirates? Did young Anakin Skywalker dream of one day becoming a bounty hunter, did he lie awake at night reading tales of brave, reckless bounty hunters, with a flashlight under his covers after his mother Shmi turned out the lights? On the bridge of his Star Destroyer, under his glossy black helmet, is he secretly thinking "Bounty hunters! Holy freaking shit, I'm in the same room as bounty hunters!" his scarred, deformed heart pounding like a triphammer within its cybernetic ribcage.

The comments on this blog are a riot. Check them out as well::

As the Number Two guy in the Empire, whiling away the months at sea on a Star Destroyer, his disfigurement hampering his ladykilling abilities even on the off chance they pull into a friendly port, you have to figure Darth goes to bed each night 'neath a blanket of compliant, obedient young stormtroopers. Stormtroopers who all look like Boba Fett underneath their masks, because they're all clones of the same guy. But he's bored with them; their constant subservience, their workman-like blow jobs, and the awful sterility of their starched plastic uniforms.

  Constantineâ..s Sword

Sounds slightly less unnerving than "Jesus Camp".

constantinessword.com - Synopsis

Constantineâ..s Sword is the story of James Carroll; a former Catholic priest on a journey to confront his past and uncover the roots of religiously inspired violence and war. His search also reveals a growing scandal involving religious infiltration of the U.S. military and the terrible consequences of religionâ..s influence on Americaâ..s foreign policy.

Carroll focuses on Christian antisemitism as the model for all religious hatred, exposing the cross as a symbol of a long history of violence against Jews (and, most recently, Moslems). The film brings the history of religious intolerance to life, tracing it as a source of the fanaticism that threatens the world today. At its core, Constantineâ..s Sword is a compelling personal narrative â.. a kind of detective story â.. as one man uncovers the dark areas of his own past, searching for a better future.

Though often characterized, somewhat misleadingly, as â..the Vaticanâ..s top films,â. the list is meant neither as a set of definitive or magisterial â..top fifteenâ. lists nor to establish these particular films as definitely more worthwhile than any film that was not included. Titled simply â..Some Important Films,â. the list is simply a cross section of outstanding films, chosen by a committee of twelve international movie scholars appointed by the head of the pontifical commission, Archbishop John Foley. Archbishop Foley has said that the list is not intended to canonize these particular films; and, in releasing the list, the commission acknowledged, â..Not all that deserve mention are included.â.

The list is made up of three categories, â..Religion,â. â..Values,â. and â..Art,â. with 15 films in each of the three categories. Some are well-known favorites (e.g., Itâ..s a Wonderful Life; The Wizard of Oz). Others have extraordinary moral or spiritual significance (e.g., A Man for All Seasons; Schindlerâ..s List). Still others are challenging â..art filmsâ. that demand literate critical engagement (the austere mysticism of Tarkovskyâ..s Andrei Rublev and The Sacrifice; the exotic grotesquerie of Felliniâ..s La Strada and 8½).

The Vatican Film List: Ten Years Later

There are many things that contribute to making someone a douchebag. An overinflated sense of self-worth. A worthlessness despite pedigree. And an inneffectiveness that, when all is said and done, borders on the pathetic.

But douchebags aren't jerks. Jerks are generally more effective and/or aggressive than douches. Johnny Lawrence was a jerk. Biff Tannen was a jerk. Anakin Skywalker was a jerk. These guys below? Douches.

movie_douchebags.jpg

Your Mom's Basement: 10 Great Big Movie Douchebags

To say I went into the movie clueless, though, wouldn't be accurate. You can't have lived in this world for as long as I have without being exposed to some of the fallout from this pop-culture phenomenon. Just like you can't avoid being exposed to radiation from time to time.

The Last Guy in the World to See Star Wars


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